An Evolving Relationship from In-Laws to Grandparents and So Much More

Relationships change with each season of life. As you evolve into this person you know as yourself, your friends inevitably evolve as well. And though as you grow older you have fewer friends in numbers, those few friends become more like family.

Becoming a parent was surely one of those seasons of my life. You go from seeing people out at bars and events on a weekly basis to maybe monthly, if you’re lucky. You go from knowing what’s going on in their lives from constant conversations, to only knowing what’s going on via Facebook. I think especially for those moms and dads who have children before most of their other friends (like Gary and I) it is hard for you to relate sometimes. And while we try desperately to carry conversation that doesn’t have to deal with our kiddos when we hang out with those friends, their names always sneak in. Shoot, we live and breathe those little beings 24 hours a day/7 days a week…how are we not supposed to talk about them? Anyway, that’s a whole other conversation.

I want to talk about one relationship in particular that I think is often overshadowed – your in-laws. I know every situation is a little different, but I find when talking to friends, there are also quite a few similarities from a girls’ perspective on her husband’s parents. When you are just dating, they start out being these people you see on an occasional basis, holidays if possible, birthdays, etc. You might just be “another girl” that he’s brought home to the family. How are they supposed to know the depth of your relationship based on a few dinners together anyway? As you get closer to this man you envision as your husband, your relationship with his parents may change even more, hopefully grow a little. And then engagement comes along so you see them a bit more frequently, talking about the wedding and what’s ahead. And then you marry their son and I can only imagine now (as a mother of a son), that that particular day, though joyous, is also quite sad. You are officially “losing” your baby, the one who loved you first for so many years, to this girl who you think couldn’t possibly love him as much as you do.

Now your husband comes to you first for things instead of his parents, your opinion is considered first, usually even your events are considered priority with family, etc. I know there were times where I felt bad that we didn’t spend more time with them, but my own parents were such hosts that we always had a reason to go their house for a get-together, party, etc. I mean Gary became part of the family almost instantly, especially since I lived at home when we first started dating, so he saw my parents all the time, and then we moved into their neighborhood so it was just convenient to go hang by their pool, etc. And then all of a sudden, BAM…you’re pregnant. While you still may not see them very much during your first pregnancy, you can feel your relationship shifting and I think because it shifts focus from you and him to this little being. You are no longer just their sons’ wife; you are their daughter-in-law, the mother to their grandchild. I was especially lucky because I was the mother to their FIRST grandchild.

As time passed and we awaited his arrival, I will admit, I was nervous. Obviously, I wanted Cooper to have a close relationship with his grandparents. (I never really had that opportunity when I was growing up, because I wasn’t close in proximity to them.) But entrust your little human to people who, though they were family, were still not people you saw on a daily basis- I knew it would be hard for me. I mean my mom runs a daycare and preschool and even leaving him there was hard, so you can only imagine my emotion. Anyway, all of those feelings went to the wayside the moment Cooper was born! I had never seen so much love exuded from my entire family, especially my in-laws. They were in awe at his every feature and every move. My father-in-law held him like he was a piece of rare glass. My mother-in-law was staring into her first  grandchild’s eyes as if they were Gary’s himself. It was breath-taking and I felt lucky instantly. I also went from having a sort of guard up to having no guard at all. I was breastfeeding Cooper the first time they met him and I didn’t care a bit about modesty. (I was considerate of course, but you know what I mean.)

Your relationship moves past the occasional dinner to weekly hang-outs and daily chats…and the best part is, we’ve found each other in the midst of the relationship that was geared around Cooper. I’ve learned about their passions and their talents, their parenting techniques and their beliefs. They aren’t just my in-laws anymore; they are MY parents, they are my baby’s grandparents. They carry a special place in my heart, knowing that he adores them the way he does and that they would bring him the moon if he asked for it.

Now as I’m pregnant for the second time and we will be welcoming another grandchild to the mix, I have even more joy knowing God is blessing us with a little girl. This will be my mother-in-law’s first girl, since she had only boys. Can you imagine her excitement?!

I hope your experience with your in-laws and your kiddos is just the same. And if it’s not, I at least hope that they get to be a positive force in your kid’s lives, because there is truly no love like a grandparent’s love…and every child deserves to know that kind of love!

Do you appreciate your in-laws more after giving birth and see in them in a different light when they’re around their grandchildren?

 

Top 10 Must Haves for Your Baby Registry

I remember the first time I registered for baby items at the large name retailers like Babies “R” Us and Target. Let’s just say, thank God for my mom who has been in the industry of babies for 28 years, otherwise I would have been like a lost puppy. Endless aisles of baby gear, from bottle brands to diaper brands and gadgets you’ve never heard of…how would a first time mom in a typical setting even begin to know what to do or where to start? Sure, we can always turn to Google, but I think typically moms just go scan-happy and register for everything in order to get a little bit of it all. Honestly, half of it you’ll never use more than once and at the end of the day it’s up to baby if they like a certain pacifier or brand of bottle.

Second time around, everything is a no brainer. You know what works and what doesn’t, what you actually use and what is useless. And, you also know it’s not always about the “name brand”, but more about the RIGHT brand. So I thought for all my first-time mommy friends I’d give you a leg up on your registry by sharing some inside scoop on need vs. want and some unique gifts you can find at smaller boutique stores that end up being life-savers for mommy (and daddy).

Also, I want to drive home the importance of the essentials that are made for mommy. As a mom, innately we only think of our little one, but there are plenty of needs that help you comfort-wise too. Why not register for those essential items instead of the cutesy, one-time use only gadgets you may think look cool?

So, in fear of overwhelming you, but wanting to provide a decent list to get you started, here are my top 10 mommy must-haves for your registry (many of which you probably never even thought to add):

*If it’s in BLUE – that means Modern Maternity carries them in store for cheaper than competitors AND no shipping!

1. Baby Carrier: No better way to be than hands-free when you have a little one. Of course, at first you just want to snuggle them 24/7, but eventually the dishes and laundry will call your name, and it’s nice to have a carrier that you are comfortable with that provides good support for both of you. My favorites are the Moby Wrap, The Ergo, and the traditional Ring Sling.

Bonus Note: We carry hand-made ring-slings with customizable fabric pockets and extra fabric that doubles as a nursing cover.

2. Pello: Forget about the Boppy, this product gets use for YEARS, instead of just a few months. The Pello, designed by a stay-at-home mom in Ohio, launched 2 years ago and has been growing in popularity because of its usability. Great for keeping baby on a sanitary, comfortable surface (especially when traveling or going to a friend’s house). It also doubles as a “boppy-like” pillow for tummy time, but these have useful link attachments so the toys don’t roll away from baby. The whole thing can be thrown in the wash, instead of having to fight with a cover. It’s Coopers favorite calm TV time place and my 7 year-old niece loves to lounge in it for movie time too, so that goes to show you it truly lasts a long time! (Plus they have customizable fabrics)

 

3. Baby Monitor: Obviously a must have! I have been without mine for a week, because little man dropped it and I’ve been waiting for the new shipment more impatiently than anything I’ve ever waited for! Video monitors are incredible for the first time worried momma. How many years can I use it for without it being weird that I watch him sleep??

4. Nose Frida – “The Snot Sucker”: So everyone knows about the blue bulb which has been given to mom and dad in the hospital for decades. Well without getting too descriptive – how do you clean that thing? What does it truly look like inside? How far are you supposed to go up in the nose? Are you affecting the baby’s nose membranes at all? You’ll never know…Born is the Nose Frida. The perfectly sanitary, non-invasive snot sucker that works like a lucky charm every time. For those of you who may gag thinking of sucking snot from your child’s nose…get over it! Obviously there is a filter to block it from ever going into your mouth (it’s actually impossible if you look at how it is built). Plus, Lord knows you’ve done much more disgusting things…like when your baby boy pees in your mouth by accident or explosive diaper changing…TRY IT…I swear you’ll thank me.

5. Diaper Bag: Great gift for mommy AND baby again. Mom, you will use the heck out of this! Get one that is practical of course, but fashion never hurts either. Remember YOU are carrying it, not the baby. So choose the colors you like. Daddy might carry it from time to time, but let’s be serious you’ll most likely be with him! I love the ones with the stroller attachment arms…amazing when your out and about; those suckers get heavy with all the Mary Poppins stuff you put inside.

Bonus Note: For those hands on daddies, we do carry diaper bags for dudes too! They are backpacks fully equipped with changing pads, cooler pockets, etc. Available in grey camo or black. We also carry a line called Stork Sak in-store for mommies…if you see one online you like, we sell it for 20% under retail to you!

6. Amber Teething Necklace/Bracelet: So no, the baby doesn’t come out of the womb teething, though I have heard of some babies having their first teeth within a couple of months…so why not be prepared? Amber is the new craze for all teething tots. The salic acid helps to boost the immune system and ease the pain of teething. Let’s just say, beyond the fashion statement, I can tell when Cooper doesn’t have his on!

7. Bloom Bath Tub: This was one of my favorite gifts from my shower. I hadn’t seen them at the time, but they are now wildly popular and sold in many large retailers and also boutique stores. They allow for easy access in any sink, true comfort for baby, and so sanitary opposed to laying them on the actual sink surface and trying to hold them sturdy.

8. 4Moms RockaRoo/MamaRoo Swing: This space-age looking device is a God-send. There are so many settings and options on this thing, you’d think you’d never use. But baby ALWAYS gives you a reason to try any and everything. It maximizes motion sensation for baby on so many levels and it’s easy to wash.It also has an MP3 player attachment, which may be over the top, but hey…it’s an option, right?

9. Nursing Bras and/or tanks: This is one of the items I mentioned that no one registers for, but everyone should! This is the number one used product by both mommy AND baby postpartum. We do FREE bra-fittings and sizing throughout your pregnancy, as well as once your milk comes in. Don’t go spend money on a Victoria Secret bra when you are 6 months pregnant; you’ll never be able to wear it again. Get a nursing bra and utilize its benefits. (Side note: We carry up to size M in bras, so don’t fret.)

Bonus Note: Breast Pump! Did you know now a-days almost all insurances cover your breast pumps at 100%? Be sure to call your insurance and find out! They will either reimburse you for your purchase or they send you one of their brands for FREE.

10. Post Partum Belly Belt: These are awesome for helping your stomach re-gain muscle control after delivery, both with C-sections or vaginal deliveries. My favorite brand is the Medela, because of the sleek material it is made of, you are able to wear it under anything and hardly notice it is there. I swear it’s the main reason I was able to pull off a bikini a few weeks after the baby was born. And YES, it is OK to ask for something for yourself :).

Well, I hope you learned about some additional items to add to your registry or perhaps a great gift you can buy an expectant mommy. This list is obviously only my top 10 picks, there are surely many more suggestions. If you are interested or simply feel overwhelmed, we do offer a registry service where the expert – Brenda, my mom and baby-guru – will meet you at Babies “R” Us to help guide you through the experience.

Regardless, keep in mind that you and baby are literally one for the first few weeks. What’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is yours, so it’s OK to be practical when registering. People will always manage to add in the “cute” stuff, but the essentials are what you NEED.

FYI: We currently have an in-store manual registry, but before long it will all be online and you can go scan-happy here too!

 What are some of registry must haves you’d recommend to new moms? What was your favorite gift you received as a new mom?

5 Ways You Know You’re a REAL Housewife

Tonight at dinner I looked down at my plate to see only crumbs left. I have no idea if I actually ate the food in front of me, let alone enjoyed it, but it was gone. The last 30 minutes consisted of crying babies, barking and fighting dogs, football blaring too loud on the television, men laughing, women reprimanding and kids trying to be heard while telling their dinner stories to one another.

Rewind and let me set the scene…

My family has long been getting together for Sunday dinners. Over the course of the past few years, the family has grown from my three siblings and parents, to now spouses, children, great grandparents and aunts and uncles who are now neighbors. Imagine 11 adults, two kids, two babies and five dogs in one house. (The same house the original three grew up in). Now fast forward to dinner time; everyone brings their own side (aka women cook it there), grill is going, men are drinking beer, playing corn hole, attempting to monitor the children and dogs (who are puppies and not used to all being in one household). Then dinner is served, babies are whining over wanting adult forks and not wanting to eat their green beans. The older kids are asking if they’ve eaten enough or can they have more to drink. The men are laughing and watching football in the other room completely oblivious, while the dogs attack one another beneath the women’s feet who are also trying to get the babies tame enough to enjoy our own meal. Have you taken a breath yet? I finally did when I looked down at my plate…cue the first paragraph all over again.

Now THIS is what I call “the REAL housewives” (as opposed to the Bravo TV shows).

We’ve all seen the reality shows. All the women glammed up first thing in the morning, enjoying espresso, getting their nails done and going to high-end restaurants for wine and appetizers with their friends. I’ve had days like that in Richmond with my girls, where we would joke about being “real housewives for the day”. Shopping at the outdoor malls and spending money we probably shouldn’t have. And while I am a firm believer in girl time, my perspective on girl-time, let alone TIME in general is a little different. Before, when having these glam-days, I was only asking one questions; “Who’s driving? Can I have another glass of wine?”. Now it’s about what Cooper is doing each hour I am gone and if I’ll be back in time for bedtime to kiss him goodnight. So the question that lingers about these so-called “housewives”, is where and what are their kids doing exactly? Are they even playing a role in their children’s lives?

They may consider themselves “Real”, but there is nothing more real than those 30 minutes at dinner tonight. I know you have all been there, one way or another, and while it’s ok to have your fantasizing days of being one of those women, it’s ok to let reality be reality.

5 Reasons I know I’m a REAL housewife:

1. I haven’t showered today. I’m wearing a hat and the same jean shorts that I wore yesterday, because they are the only ones that feel comfortable with this growing 28-week belly. Those women wouldn’t be caught dead even going to the gym without a shower and make-up, let alone wearing something that they’ve worn in the last 30 days!
2. I ate more calories than I drank today. Don’t get me wrong; when I’m not pregnant, I love a glass of wine. But I swear from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep they are consuming some sort of “beverage”. And there is no way their scone at breakfast and their salad at lunch has kept them full all day to only eat a salad again for dinner!
3. My nails are too short to even attempt a fake manicure. Between wrestling with my little man, bathing and lotioning him, changing his diaper or getting boogies from his nose, nails aren’t an option. My toes are painted, because a pedicure is my guilty pleasure when mommy has free time. (Slightly “real housewife” of me, I know).
4. I only see my girlfriends on occasion. We work, we have kids and we have families of our own. Getting together is a luxury. Believe me, this is one area of the “real housewife” life I am envious of. I would LOVE to see my girls more often, but reality is we’re busy, but I know they love me and we always pick up where we left off.
5. I have a baby who whines for his momma. I don’t know what their kids whine about…but I know mine whines because he wants ME, not a nanny who he spends more time with.

Regardless what those women are doing. I know the six women who were sitting at the dinner table tonight are all moms who have either raised their children and they are grown or are taking it a day at a time raising theirs currently. Regardless, they are there. And despite the chaos, they start and finish their days maybe not looking like a million bucks, but their kids surely feel in their heart that they are loved a million times over. So when life is chaotic and you don’t have a minute to even feel the minutes that go by, look at your surroundings and know that you’re doing all right. And THIS is what real housewives live like on a daily basis, not the other way around. What makes you a real housewife? What can you relate to or what do you struggle with?

Work, Baby and Balance: How We Can Have it All

I think girls always visualize what their life will be like once they have kids. [And I say “girls” not as a way to belittle women, but that I believe most of these daydreams come when you are young, prior to really knowing what having these fictitious children would actually be like; similar to journaling about your “dream guy”.] You have names picked out that you like, how many girls, how many boys you want, what their age differences will be. You imagine how you will raise them and what their little personalities may be like. Some of this even happens before you have found that perfect mate to raise those children with. I even think girls know, based on their own personal experiences with their mothers or perhaps their passion for their individual careers, on whether or not they will be a working mom or a stay at home mom. I always hoped I’d be able to stay at home with my children…but usually reality comes into play. Those names I had picked out weren’t even on my list of top 10. The number of kids I want vs. wanted has changed. And I don’t really care the order. I still imagine how I will raise them, but with each new parenting challenge comes a new method to simply do the best you can, opposed to some step-by-step book you may have read.

As I watch my Facebook feed swarm with teachers heading back to school, it makes you realize how many of those women are choosing to work vs. having to work vs. wanting to work. When I was expecting Cooper, I had this vision of how my day-to-day life would run in conjunction with being a “working mom” and running a business I was passionate about. I thought he would come to work with me as an infant, have a crib in the back office, wear him around while I helped customers and did my daily tasks. I also told my partner (mom) and employees that I would be back from maternity leave between 4-6 weeks. Well, my mom, being right as usual, and knowing from past experience, knew that wouldn’t be the case on many of those fronts. Cooper arrived and with that came sleepless nights, exhaustion, continuous feeding schedules and full attention. My four weeks turned to eight and then turned to 12 and I knew, simply from our daily routine at home, that bringing him to work would be next to impossible. I know my situation is a little different from most…at least I had the option of bringing him to work. But the reality, once again, is the same as any working mom. We’d get nothing accomplished in between feeding, changing, entertaining, shushing, feeding some more, etc.

Around 11 weeks when it was time to face the fact that I wouldn’t be his everything day in and out, I started getting anxious, as I imagine most of you have experienced. Is it even possible for someone to take care of him like I do when he’s still so small? My mom and mother-in-law of all people were going to have him, but I still was a nervous wreck. And the punch line, in which most of you working moms may hate me for, is it was only for five hours! Regardless, it seemed like eons before those hours passed that first week, but I remember seeing him after work each day and knowing it would get a little easier and our relationship would be better in the long run because of it. Now, I still hate leaving him some days, but the smile on his face and the refreshing attitude I have towards being a mommy after just a few hours away from him, are totally worth it. My sense of identity is regained when I am at the store, even though a majority of my conversations are about Cooper, I still get to feel like me. Now don’t get me wrong, days where it’s just me and him all day, I feel more like “me” than I can even express, because my self-definition now encompasses being a mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, this concept of “self-definition” is something I have struggled with since becoming a mom.

I wouldn’t say you lose your sense of self, but I do think with your loss of independence you redirect your self-reflection and what time you used to spend on internal growth, is now directed towards your little one. They have your full attention, your full energy, brainpower and heart, so when at the end of the day, the need for a little “me” time is completely understandable. I know many stay-at-home moms and I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of quotes and videos on them too, but I truly respect the fact that their jobs are more difficult than ours. Their “me” time fizzles down to a shower (if they’re lucky), while us working moms get to have a 15 minute drive to work, our hours there (regardless of how busy or how much brain capacity it may take), and our regroup transformation back into our superman outfits for mommy hood the remaining of the evening. My sense of self is more apparent now than it ever was, because I have to make time for me. Where before kids, my time was always mine.

In the midst of the past few paragraphs you quickly notice a lot of “me’s”, “I’s” and “Cooper’s”, but there is one key element to this life that is missing…”Gary”. Our neighbor kept telling us when I was pregnant the first time to always put each other before our children. It sounded ludicrous because your children rely on you solely, while we are adults and can manage, but my perspective on the matter has fully changed. Between being a working mom, a superhero mom, and ME, the concept of US sounds impossible, and if I’m being totally honest; exhausting. At the end of the day, despite us just spending the last two hours together over dinner, bath time, play time, bed time, we finally meet at the sinks brushing our teeth. It’s like “Hey, how are you?”. I want to put him first, I need to put him first, and we’ve made efforts to do weekly date nights, which have truly been a saving grace. But as much as I hail to the stay-at-home mother’s, I hail too to the working father. He’s gone before the sunrises and comes back after the sun has set. He’s exhausted and I can only imagine that his “sense of self” is drained. But here I am, occasionally wanting to pass Coop off, because I’ve been with him the past few hours, forgetting to take into consideration he needs “me” time too. Despite his exhaustion there is one thing that will always reignite his fuel. I see him light up and Cooper light up at the sight of each other and my “me” time has been satisfied. THEY are ME. I AM THEM. My sense of self is wrapped up in these two beings. (Soon to be three!) And while I enjoy my job thoroughly and I always appreciate a good pedicure by myself or a long shower at the end of the day, I’d much rather be watching them together than alone.

So my words of comfort are: 

To the working mom – Keep it up. And remember your little one can’t wait for you to get home to play. They appreciate you and see your dedication, but don’t forget your Superman suit on the drive home, because they DO need your attention.

To the stay at home mom (or dad) – Your job is harder than all of us. Find time for your “sense of self” so that you always have the energy to give all of yourself.

To the working dad – We love you and appreciate you, even if we sometimes forget to tell you. Thank you for supporting us.

To the married couple raising your children fearlessly – Love each other just as fearlessly and take time out for “US” time.

The Art of Distraction

I’ve grown up around kids my entire life due to my mom having an in-home daycare. Imagine 12 little ones ranging from infant to five years of age in your home from the time you wake up to the time you come home from school and eat dinner. I was always drawn to them. Of course the different ages all have fun, unique qualities that attracted me to them; be it sweet cuddly babies, to rambunctious waddlers, to talkative toddlers, and know-it-all preschool aged kiddos. Regardless, I always thought I was born into the perfect scenario to be super-mom later in life. From tricks to help soothe the little one, to methods for teaching letters and colors, and songs and games of every sort to keep them entertained…I know you can feel a ‘but’ coming on…

BUT, the world of parenthood is drastically different than “babysitting” for the brief hour or two I would sit and play. My mom is by far way more than a “babysitter” and it isn’t until you become a parent or the parents have been a part of her daycare for a while that they realize what that means. She’s a true baby whisperer and it is due to her that hundreds of kiddos have entered kindergarten knowing how to soothe themselves, take two hour naps, eat all their veggies, write their name, sing their alphabet, write their letters, and consistently maintain their manners. Though I am only in the early stages of this parenting thing, I have surely learned one technique on my own. This one technique in which my mom knew all along, but never thought of it as a technique at all…just common sense: The Art of Distraction.

So let me lay it out for you. This mechanism doesn’t really come into effect until after about three months. Prior to this time frame it is all about soothing and comforting the baby when they are looking for their fundamental needs (aka clean diaper, to be fed, to be cuddled, or to sleep). Once three months hits and they are more alert and aware, ready to play and explore the world, it is all about distraction. There are many ways to divert their attention to get the desired end result of happiness. Case in Point: baby cried = new toy, new laying position, new sound, new bottle, new song, new food/milk, new diaper, new activity, new environment. Whatever it is, if you can manage to help them forget their woe by giving them something new, they become satisfied. As time progresses and our little ones are able to develop a bit of a longer attention span, though we know this span still isn’t what we’d hope, these distractions may become a bit larger than a toy or a song, however, the key concept is still the same.

As parents, we go through every day with the hope and effort of giving our kids true and abundant happiness. The less tears, the easier the day, the “happier” the baby. Now, a key element to all of this, is bonding. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I HAVE to clean or I HAVE to bathe myself, where he has to occupy his time, and a new toy or new show is exactly what will give me that 5-10 minutes of freedom, but don’t let me fool you that my go to art of distraction tool is always a hug, kiss and cuddle. Of course, I know the importance of self-soothing too, but I’m not referring to him taking a little tumble and crying, I’m talking about the times when they become irritable, uninterested and needy. But really at the end of the day, my goal is to put a satisfied and loved baby to sleep, knowing he gets to wake up the next day, and I get to start all over making him happy.

I am not, and by no means will I ever achieve “super-mom” status. I’m not even really sure what that is. But I want to applaud each and every mom for their day-to-day routine. It’s tiring as much as it is rewarding, but know you have at least accomplished two things: the ability to make your baby happy and the art of distraction. And to me, with that, you have succeeded.

A few of Cooper’s favorite distractions include:

• Playing in Mommy and Daddy’s cars.
• Apples and watermelon keep him occupied for a good 30 minutes.
• Anything having to do with water!
• He loves playing with his Babiator sunglasses from the store! They have a year warranty if they break, so to me, he can play with them all he wants!
• The Pellos we have in the store are great from infancy up to five and six years old. Shoot my eight year old niece loves laying in it and watching a movie! 

What is your go to distraction tool when your little one isn’t satisfied? New exciting tips always welcome!

Disregard My Appearance

When you haven’t quite entered into mommy-hood your perspective on personal appearance is much different. Freshly showered, fully lathered in lotion, make-up just right, hair dried and straightened, outfit ironed and shoes polished, a touch of lip gloss and you’re set to go. Meanwhile, you may not notice other women running around in their yoga pants, hats on, head down; simply to shield the public from their un-showered, bags below the eyes, exhausted new sense of “self”. We don’t call those women lazy…we call them moms.

Of course you have a closet full of freshly laundered baby clothes, hung just right, according to size, color, style, and season. Their tiny socks and shoes all organized and ready to wear. And accessories of all colors to perfect the outfit. (Thank heavens, for Gary’s wallets sake, we had a boy first) My little guy now takes precedence: freshly showered, fully lathered in lotion, we skip the make-up of course, hair dried – combed – and styled, outfit coordinating perfectly to his socks and shoes, a touch of baby powder and he’s set to go.

Now don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way. He looks like a doll baby and I…well, at least my clothes are clean. When we are in public, attention is no longer on what I look like, he’s the one getting the Oh’s and Ah’s and I’m beaming regardless of my appearance. It’s amazing how your priorities and sense of “self” truly change. Instead of heading straight to the women’s clothing section, I head straight for the baby clothes every time. I’m shopping for baby wipes instead of hair product, toys instead of trinkets, bibs instead of scarves.

I didn’t truly notice this new sense of “self” until I started back to working at the store on a more regular basis. Sure I had my getting ready schedule down pat by then (or at least I thought I did). The usual 45-1 hour prep time of showering and getting ready, was immediately reduced to 15 minutes, therefore meaning: freshly showered (minus the shaving), skip the lotion, face lotion and mascara is all the make-up I get time for, hair towel dried, outfit at least matching, skip the lip gloss (I can’t kiss all over my little man with lip gloss!) and I’m set to go. So I head to drop Cooper off at Lita’s or Grammy’s house, we Oh and Ah over him for a few minutes and I’m off to work. It’s never until about 2 hours in when I glance in the mirror and I’m immediately struck with a bit of shock, grief, humility, and humor. My towel dried hair looks like medusa. My mere mascara look can’t hide the bags under my eyes. My outfit doesn’t fit like it used to. And to top it all off, when I go to the bathroom, I notice my underwear are inside out! Now THAT is motherhood right there.

There is an up-side to all of this. When you DO have that 45 minute prep-time for a special occasion…you might as well be hitting the cat walk because you get a million compliments from the people who see you on a daily basis. It’s actually humorous – it’s like they forgot that you can look presentable.

Ladies (who haven’t taken the mommy train yet): please cut us some slack.

Mommies: you are forgiven.

Husbands/Daddies: Tell us we are beautiful, even if we look like zombies.

All of other men: get over it.

New sense of “self”: It’s ok. You won’t be a zombie forever! Soon they learn to dress themselves and you have a few more minutes to put on lotion!

But at the end of the day, the part about all of this that makes it completely OK is that showered or not, cute wardrobe or not, make-up or not…Cooper still smiles at me the same way…and to me, that’s all that matters.

Egg Hatched – First Latch

The first few moments are surreal. You have so many expectations; what they will look, smell like, feel like. What will your first words be? However, my biggest hope and expectation beyond an uncomplicated delivery, was for him to latch immediately. To know that mommy is here to comfort and keep you safe always, and most importantly to keep you alive. It’s a bonding experience that is unmatched. And though exhausting, especially at the beginning, there are no words to describe the peacefulness you feel when they are content and nursing. 

Mind you, with the good, usually there is always the opposing forces of bad. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s extremely time consuming. Yes, you feel like a cow the first few weeks. Yes, you lose all sense of privacy and timidness about being “exposed”. Yes, you are doing 3 times the laundry because you are wearing a multitude of shirts throughout the day. Yes, you lose awareness of day and night because they feed around the clock. And yes, you feel like your husband will never again look at your boobs the same way after seeing them in this state. 

Thankfully, with the bad there always comes a ‘BUT’. But, you get used to it and it doesn’t hurt anymore. But, the time spent is the most precious bonding time you will never regret. But, they get on a feeding schedule so you’re only ‘milked’ from time to time and it’s keeping them healthy. But, you get the hang of things and learn to reveal a little less. But, you find the nursing pads and remedies that keep your shirt dry as long as possible. But, once you aren’t doing it around the clock you look forward to it. But, your husband learns to adore it and YOU for it. 

I was fortunate enough, (thanks mainly in part to Stacy Kucharczk, a local expert and lactation consultant with Best Feeding Lactation Services, LLC) that Coop took to it immediately and never looked back. I had a few struggles with scheduling,  learning to pump when I went back to work, and slight production issues…but we are almost 7 months in counting and there is nothing sweeter than picking him up for feeding time and seeing his little lips start moving before my shirt is even pulled up. 

Now, to speak directly to the “milking” topic. Just like there is an art to nursing, there is an art to pumping! The first time I tried it, I remember the noise alone scared me. Nothing like already being tender and now the true cow suckling begins from a machine. Suck – Pull – Milk. Talk about feeling unsexy. My biggest lesson here was being in a comfort zone, having a picture or video of Cooper accessible to help my milk ‘let’, and securing a routine for storing it. Once I got that down to a science, it was easy. Though, I will say, I was never fully “comfortable” doing it. And I was happy to see that aspect of nursing go away after 6 months. 

While I am no expert, I surely have my go to tips for my new mommy friends. 

1. You can’t care what anyone else thinks about nursing. No matter where you are, find a place where you are comfortable and make that baby happy. They come first. Not other people’s opinion. 

2. You have to relax! If you are stressed, the baby can sense that. The moment you find your “happy place” they too will get in the groove. 

3. The organic washable pads didn’t work for me. I tried double layering, plastic backs, lilly pads, everything. The only thing that worked were the NUK all nighter pads – I used them ALL day. It was inevitable I was going to leak…so I had to be prepared. 

4. Scheduling was key for my sanity. When he was brand new of course, I did on demand feeding, but after a couple months, I started a schedule that worked for us and it truly eased my mind and body knowing I had little breaks from time to time. 

5. Keep them clean! The last thing we all have time for is infection. So in the midst of all the shirt and nursing pad changes, be sure to wash up. (This will help prevent thrush and other complications). 

6. Lastly, and most importantly – Involve your partner. The time is precious and they are often kicked to the side while nursing. At first especially, have him help you. Let him sit there with you in the wee hours of the morning. If anything, have him get up to change and get baby ready, while you have a few extra minutes to shut eye. It helps you and it helps them feel connected too.

At the end of the day, all of our bodies are different. But I truly believe God intended for us to have this special bond for a reason. It doesn’t come easy, but it is so worth it. 

 

If you are interested in learning more about breastfeeding, we offer FREE monthly seminars at our store.