An Evolving Relationship from In-Laws to Grandparents and So Much More

Relationships change with each season of life. As you evolve into this person you know as yourself, your friends inevitably evolve as well. And though as you grow older you have fewer friends in numbers, those few friends become more like family.

Becoming a parent was surely one of those seasons of my life. You go from seeing people out at bars and events on a weekly basis to maybe monthly, if you’re lucky. You go from knowing what’s going on in their lives from constant conversations, to only knowing what’s going on via Facebook. I think especially for those moms and dads who have children before most of their other friends (like Gary and I) it is hard for you to relate sometimes. And while we try desperately to carry conversation that doesn’t have to deal with our kiddos when we hang out with those friends, their names always sneak in. Shoot, we live and breathe those little beings 24 hours a day/7 days a week…how are we not supposed to talk about them? Anyway, that’s a whole other conversation.

I want to talk about one relationship in particular that I think is often overshadowed – your in-laws. I know every situation is a little different, but I find when talking to friends, there are also quite a few similarities from a girls’ perspective on her husband’s parents. When you are just dating, they start out being these people you see on an occasional basis, holidays if possible, birthdays, etc. You might just be “another girl” that he’s brought home to the family. How are they supposed to know the depth of your relationship based on a few dinners together anyway? As you get closer to this man you envision as your husband, your relationship with his parents may change even more, hopefully grow a little. And then engagement comes along so you see them a bit more frequently, talking about the wedding and what’s ahead. And then you marry their son and I can only imagine now (as a mother of a son), that that particular day, though joyous, is also quite sad. You are officially “losing” your baby, the one who loved you first for so many years, to this girl who you think couldn’t possibly love him as much as you do.

Now your husband comes to you first for things instead of his parents, your opinion is considered first, usually even your events are considered priority with family, etc. I know there were times where I felt bad that we didn’t spend more time with them, but my own parents were such hosts that we always had a reason to go their house for a get-together, party, etc. I mean Gary became part of the family almost instantly, especially since I lived at home when we first started dating, so he saw my parents all the time, and then we moved into their neighborhood so it was just convenient to go hang by their pool, etc. And then all of a sudden, BAM…you’re pregnant. While you still may not see them very much during your first pregnancy, you can feel your relationship shifting and I think because it shifts focus from you and him to this little being. You are no longer just their sons’ wife; you are their daughter-in-law, the mother to their grandchild. I was especially lucky because I was the mother to their FIRST grandchild.

As time passed and we awaited his arrival, I will admit, I was nervous. Obviously, I wanted Cooper to have a close relationship with his grandparents. (I never really had that opportunity when I was growing up, because I wasn’t close in proximity to them.) But entrust your little human to people who, though they were family, were still not people you saw on a daily basis- I knew it would be hard for me. I mean my mom runs a daycare and preschool and even leaving him there was hard, so you can only imagine my emotion. Anyway, all of those feelings went to the wayside the moment Cooper was born! I had never seen so much love exuded from my entire family, especially my in-laws. They were in awe at his every feature and every move. My father-in-law held him like he was a piece of rare glass. My mother-in-law was staring into her first  grandchild’s eyes as if they were Gary’s himself. It was breath-taking and I felt lucky instantly. I also went from having a sort of guard up to having no guard at all. I was breastfeeding Cooper the first time they met him and I didn’t care a bit about modesty. (I was considerate of course, but you know what I mean.)

Your relationship moves past the occasional dinner to weekly hang-outs and daily chats…and the best part is, we’ve found each other in the midst of the relationship that was geared around Cooper. I’ve learned about their passions and their talents, their parenting techniques and their beliefs. They aren’t just my in-laws anymore; they are MY parents, they are my baby’s grandparents. They carry a special place in my heart, knowing that he adores them the way he does and that they would bring him the moon if he asked for it.

Now as I’m pregnant for the second time and we will be welcoming another grandchild to the mix, I have even more joy knowing God is blessing us with a little girl. This will be my mother-in-law’s first girl, since she had only boys. Can you imagine her excitement?!

I hope your experience with your in-laws and your kiddos is just the same. And if it’s not, I at least hope that they get to be a positive force in your kid’s lives, because there is truly no love like a grandparent’s love…and every child deserves to know that kind of love!

Do you appreciate your in-laws more after giving birth and see in them in a different light when they’re around their grandchildren?

 

Top 10 Must Haves for Your Baby Registry

I remember the first time I registered for baby items at the large name retailers like Babies “R” Us and Target. Let’s just say, thank God for my mom who has been in the industry of babies for 28 years, otherwise I would have been like a lost puppy. Endless aisles of baby gear, from bottle brands to diaper brands and gadgets you’ve never heard of…how would a first time mom in a typical setting even begin to know what to do or where to start? Sure, we can always turn to Google, but I think typically moms just go scan-happy and register for everything in order to get a little bit of it all. Honestly, half of it you’ll never use more than once and at the end of the day it’s up to baby if they like a certain pacifier or brand of bottle.

Second time around, everything is a no brainer. You know what works and what doesn’t, what you actually use and what is useless. And, you also know it’s not always about the “name brand”, but more about the RIGHT brand. So I thought for all my first-time mommy friends I’d give you a leg up on your registry by sharing some inside scoop on need vs. want and some unique gifts you can find at smaller boutique stores that end up being life-savers for mommy (and daddy).

Also, I want to drive home the importance of the essentials that are made for mommy. As a mom, innately we only think of our little one, but there are plenty of needs that help you comfort-wise too. Why not register for those essential items instead of the cutesy, one-time use only gadgets you may think look cool?

So, in fear of overwhelming you, but wanting to provide a decent list to get you started, here are my top 10 mommy must-haves for your registry (many of which you probably never even thought to add):

*If it’s in BLUE – that means Modern Maternity carries them in store for cheaper than competitors AND no shipping!

1. Baby Carrier: No better way to be than hands-free when you have a little one. Of course, at first you just want to snuggle them 24/7, but eventually the dishes and laundry will call your name, and it’s nice to have a carrier that you are comfortable with that provides good support for both of you. My favorites are the Moby Wrap, The Ergo, and the traditional Ring Sling.

Bonus Note: We carry hand-made ring-slings with customizable fabric pockets and extra fabric that doubles as a nursing cover.

2. Pello: Forget about the Boppy, this product gets use for YEARS, instead of just a few months. The Pello, designed by a stay-at-home mom in Ohio, launched 2 years ago and has been growing in popularity because of its usability. Great for keeping baby on a sanitary, comfortable surface (especially when traveling or going to a friend’s house). It also doubles as a “boppy-like” pillow for tummy time, but these have useful link attachments so the toys don’t roll away from baby. The whole thing can be thrown in the wash, instead of having to fight with a cover. It’s Coopers favorite calm TV time place and my 7 year-old niece loves to lounge in it for movie time too, so that goes to show you it truly lasts a long time! (Plus they have customizable fabrics)

 

3. Baby Monitor: Obviously a must have! I have been without mine for a week, because little man dropped it and I’ve been waiting for the new shipment more impatiently than anything I’ve ever waited for! Video monitors are incredible for the first time worried momma. How many years can I use it for without it being weird that I watch him sleep??

4. Nose Frida – “The Snot Sucker”: So everyone knows about the blue bulb which has been given to mom and dad in the hospital for decades. Well without getting too descriptive – how do you clean that thing? What does it truly look like inside? How far are you supposed to go up in the nose? Are you affecting the baby’s nose membranes at all? You’ll never know…Born is the Nose Frida. The perfectly sanitary, non-invasive snot sucker that works like a lucky charm every time. For those of you who may gag thinking of sucking snot from your child’s nose…get over it! Obviously there is a filter to block it from ever going into your mouth (it’s actually impossible if you look at how it is built). Plus, Lord knows you’ve done much more disgusting things…like when your baby boy pees in your mouth by accident or explosive diaper changing…TRY IT…I swear you’ll thank me.

5. Diaper Bag: Great gift for mommy AND baby again. Mom, you will use the heck out of this! Get one that is practical of course, but fashion never hurts either. Remember YOU are carrying it, not the baby. So choose the colors you like. Daddy might carry it from time to time, but let’s be serious you’ll most likely be with him! I love the ones with the stroller attachment arms…amazing when your out and about; those suckers get heavy with all the Mary Poppins stuff you put inside.

Bonus Note: For those hands on daddies, we do carry diaper bags for dudes too! They are backpacks fully equipped with changing pads, cooler pockets, etc. Available in grey camo or black. We also carry a line called Stork Sak in-store for mommies…if you see one online you like, we sell it for 20% under retail to you!

6. Amber Teething Necklace/Bracelet: So no, the baby doesn’t come out of the womb teething, though I have heard of some babies having their first teeth within a couple of months…so why not be prepared? Amber is the new craze for all teething tots. The salic acid helps to boost the immune system and ease the pain of teething. Let’s just say, beyond the fashion statement, I can tell when Cooper doesn’t have his on!

7. Bloom Bath Tub: This was one of my favorite gifts from my shower. I hadn’t seen them at the time, but they are now wildly popular and sold in many large retailers and also boutique stores. They allow for easy access in any sink, true comfort for baby, and so sanitary opposed to laying them on the actual sink surface and trying to hold them sturdy.

8. 4Moms RockaRoo/MamaRoo Swing: This space-age looking device is a God-send. There are so many settings and options on this thing, you’d think you’d never use. But baby ALWAYS gives you a reason to try any and everything. It maximizes motion sensation for baby on so many levels and it’s easy to wash.It also has an MP3 player attachment, which may be over the top, but hey…it’s an option, right?

9. Nursing Bras and/or tanks: This is one of the items I mentioned that no one registers for, but everyone should! This is the number one used product by both mommy AND baby postpartum. We do FREE bra-fittings and sizing throughout your pregnancy, as well as once your milk comes in. Don’t go spend money on a Victoria Secret bra when you are 6 months pregnant; you’ll never be able to wear it again. Get a nursing bra and utilize its benefits. (Side note: We carry up to size M in bras, so don’t fret.)

Bonus Note: Breast Pump! Did you know now a-days almost all insurances cover your breast pumps at 100%? Be sure to call your insurance and find out! They will either reimburse you for your purchase or they send you one of their brands for FREE.

10. Post Partum Belly Belt: These are awesome for helping your stomach re-gain muscle control after delivery, both with C-sections or vaginal deliveries. My favorite brand is the Medela, because of the sleek material it is made of, you are able to wear it under anything and hardly notice it is there. I swear it’s the main reason I was able to pull off a bikini a few weeks after the baby was born. And YES, it is OK to ask for something for yourself :).

Well, I hope you learned about some additional items to add to your registry or perhaps a great gift you can buy an expectant mommy. This list is obviously only my top 10 picks, there are surely many more suggestions. If you are interested or simply feel overwhelmed, we do offer a registry service where the expert – Brenda, my mom and baby-guru – will meet you at Babies “R” Us to help guide you through the experience.

Regardless, keep in mind that you and baby are literally one for the first few weeks. What’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is yours, so it’s OK to be practical when registering. People will always manage to add in the “cute” stuff, but the essentials are what you NEED.

FYI: We currently have an in-store manual registry, but before long it will all be online and you can go scan-happy here too!

 What are some of registry must haves you’d recommend to new moms? What was your favorite gift you received as a new mom?

Disregard My Appearance

When you haven’t quite entered into mommy-hood your perspective on personal appearance is much different. Freshly showered, fully lathered in lotion, make-up just right, hair dried and straightened, outfit ironed and shoes polished, a touch of lip gloss and you’re set to go. Meanwhile, you may not notice other women running around in their yoga pants, hats on, head down; simply to shield the public from their un-showered, bags below the eyes, exhausted new sense of “self”. We don’t call those women lazy…we call them moms.

Of course you have a closet full of freshly laundered baby clothes, hung just right, according to size, color, style, and season. Their tiny socks and shoes all organized and ready to wear. And accessories of all colors to perfect the outfit. (Thank heavens, for Gary’s wallets sake, we had a boy first) My little guy now takes precedence: freshly showered, fully lathered in lotion, we skip the make-up of course, hair dried – combed – and styled, outfit coordinating perfectly to his socks and shoes, a touch of baby powder and he’s set to go.

Now don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t have it any other way. He looks like a doll baby and I…well, at least my clothes are clean. When we are in public, attention is no longer on what I look like, he’s the one getting the Oh’s and Ah’s and I’m beaming regardless of my appearance. It’s amazing how your priorities and sense of “self” truly change. Instead of heading straight to the women’s clothing section, I head straight for the baby clothes every time. I’m shopping for baby wipes instead of hair product, toys instead of trinkets, bibs instead of scarves.

I didn’t truly notice this new sense of “self” until I started back to working at the store on a more regular basis. Sure I had my getting ready schedule down pat by then (or at least I thought I did). The usual 45-1 hour prep time of showering and getting ready, was immediately reduced to 15 minutes, therefore meaning: freshly showered (minus the shaving), skip the lotion, face lotion and mascara is all the make-up I get time for, hair towel dried, outfit at least matching, skip the lip gloss (I can’t kiss all over my little man with lip gloss!) and I’m set to go. So I head to drop Cooper off at Lita’s or Grammy’s house, we Oh and Ah over him for a few minutes and I’m off to work. It’s never until about 2 hours in when I glance in the mirror and I’m immediately struck with a bit of shock, grief, humility, and humor. My towel dried hair looks like medusa. My mere mascara look can’t hide the bags under my eyes. My outfit doesn’t fit like it used to. And to top it all off, when I go to the bathroom, I notice my underwear are inside out! Now THAT is motherhood right there.

There is an up-side to all of this. When you DO have that 45 minute prep-time for a special occasion…you might as well be hitting the cat walk because you get a million compliments from the people who see you on a daily basis. It’s actually humorous – it’s like they forgot that you can look presentable.

Ladies (who haven’t taken the mommy train yet): please cut us some slack.

Mommies: you are forgiven.

Husbands/Daddies: Tell us we are beautiful, even if we look like zombies.

All of other men: get over it.

New sense of “self”: It’s ok. You won’t be a zombie forever! Soon they learn to dress themselves and you have a few more minutes to put on lotion!

But at the end of the day, the part about all of this that makes it completely OK is that showered or not, cute wardrobe or not, make-up or not…Cooper still smiles at me the same way…and to me, that’s all that matters.