5 Must Have Resources and Tools for New Moms

You nest for months, preparing for the arrival of your little human. The house is cleaner than it ever has been, their room is perfect; everything in place. Car seat installed, hospital bag packed, you’re just waiting and anticipating all the firsts. Have you stopped to think about what happens AFTER they are born? Sure you have the 48-hour hospital stay and the exciting first trip home, but what then?

Besides staring at this beautiful thing you made for hours on end, life still goes on, and you still have certain things you will absolutely NEED. There are friends and family to help, but there are also quite a few services that most people don’t know about that are offered which can truly help ease the exhaustion of those first few weeks.

1. Meal Prep Service – This is surely a phenomenal help! The concept is to create a meal calendar in which friends and family can sign up to cook and drop off a hot meal to the new parents. It’s a free service, mealtrain.com, that help makes life a lot more relaxing. Though, a few words from experience to help make it truly easy: Have someone else coordinate it for you. Invitations can be sent via email and Facebook to friends who would want to participate.Make sure to reiterate the point that this is strictly to help mommy and daddy (and family) out – not to spend 2 hours hanging out with the new baby when mommy would rather be sleeping. While visitors are nice, sometimes the very beginning can be overwhelming. So a cook and drop expectation set is essential and if you are up for it, then surely they can come in.Let everyone know that they aren’t cooking for a dozen and it doesn’t have be any glamorous 5-course meal. Something simple is just as appreciated. Plus you don’t want to waste leftovers when you’ll have new meals coming in.Skip a night here and there. Since you will likely get more portions than you need, give yourself every 2^nd or 3^rd night off so you can eat the leftovers and not have food rotting in your fridge.

2. Breastfeeding lactation consultant – So while you eating is surely important, baby eating is essential! All new mommies will get their free advice from the in-hospital lactation consultants, but sometimes they can be a bit pushy or rushed and give advice that may not be most consoling to the new mom (such as: “you are going to have to supplement if they won’t latch”.) We already have enough pressure, so working with a consultant outside of the hospital once you are home and settled can be very reassuring. Local specialist, Stacy Kucharczk, with BestFeeding Lactation Services, LLC, http://www.helpingyou2breastfeed.com , is a lifesaver! She is incredibly knowledgeable, with her MSN, RN, CPNP, IBCLC licenses, but most importantly compassionate. A mother herself, she really is able to console, instruct and help with problems that may occur. I highly recommend her, even if you have the smallest question, she’s happy to help; via phone, text, in-home visits, etc. Call her before you give up! It’s an experience you won’t want to miss.

3. Bra Fittings – On the same breastfeeding note; if you haven’t already gotten yourself some adequate nursing bras (or nursing tops), you will realize quickly that they aren’t a luxury, but a true necessity. At the beginning, you feel more like a cow than a new mom. It seems like you really only have your boobs unexposed for about 30 minute increments before it’s time to whip them out again. Therefore, nursing wear that makes it easier and FITS for that matter, are so much more wonderful than attempting to wear your own bra and having to be literally nude. Also, you will notice they get dirty frequently because of leaking, etc. That is why we, and most professionals, recommend to have at least three. One in the wash, one on your body, and one for when that one gets dirty. All of which serve a little different purpose. One as a sleep bra for comfort and less restriction and ease of night-time feeding. One which is a day-time comfort bra that you can wear as your go to and then one that you go in public with that will have a bit more coverage and perhaps padding to cover your nipples.

So of course, we offer FREE bra fittings at any time. No appointment needed and we’ll get you in there trying on a different lines to help teach you about the different support styles, etc. If you are reading this early and haven’t yet delivered, come in around your 37 week mark and get yourself prepared ahead of time, we love giving mommies comfort!

4. Mommy Pampering – You may not be able to fathom leaving your sweet pea, but I promise it will be very rejuvenating. Whether you are going for a facial, a massage, a fresh new haircut and color, or just a pedicure…GO – DO – ENJOY. You know the saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, well “Happy Momma, No Drama”. My personal favorite is a facial, massage combo with The Skin Ranch. Sue is a mom herself so she knows the importance of your relaxation and treats you like a piece of gold. You will feel completely revived and ready to see that baby by the time you leave.

5. New Mommy Phone App – Ok back to breastfeeding. I know it seems like a lot to do with breastfeeding, but you will quickly find, beyond it’s importance, it consumes you at first. All worth it. This app saved me, especially during my insomnia. To be able to track the duration, the time, which side, when I pumped, as well as diaper changes, sleeping patterns, doctor visits. The app is called Baby Nursing, but there are many options out there that do similar things. I just know people, myself included, like FREE.

Well that is just the tip of the iceberg of useful services for new mommies. My main purpose for writing this was to help prepare you and your mind for those days and weeks after baby. Your number one useful service is obviously your significant other, you parents, in-laws and friends (if family aren’t nearby). Having them over to help, even if them sitting with the baby for an hour while you sleep or shower, you’ll not only want their help, you will need it! Joy surely encompasses all this exhaustion and craziness, so don’t get me wrong…but the moments when you think you won’t get by any longer, turn to one of these ideas!

Best of luck mommy! And remember…just breathe.

An Evolving Relationship from In-Laws to Grandparents and So Much More

Relationships change with each season of life. As you evolve into this person you know as yourself, your friends inevitably evolve as well. And though as you grow older you have fewer friends in numbers, those few friends become more like family.

Becoming a parent was surely one of those seasons of my life. You go from seeing people out at bars and events on a weekly basis to maybe monthly, if you’re lucky. You go from knowing what’s going on in their lives from constant conversations, to only knowing what’s going on via Facebook. I think especially for those moms and dads who have children before most of their other friends (like Gary and I) it is hard for you to relate sometimes. And while we try desperately to carry conversation that doesn’t have to deal with our kiddos when we hang out with those friends, their names always sneak in. Shoot, we live and breathe those little beings 24 hours a day/7 days a week…how are we not supposed to talk about them? Anyway, that’s a whole other conversation.

I want to talk about one relationship in particular that I think is often overshadowed – your in-laws. I know every situation is a little different, but I find when talking to friends, there are also quite a few similarities from a girls’ perspective on her husband’s parents. When you are just dating, they start out being these people you see on an occasional basis, holidays if possible, birthdays, etc. You might just be “another girl” that he’s brought home to the family. How are they supposed to know the depth of your relationship based on a few dinners together anyway? As you get closer to this man you envision as your husband, your relationship with his parents may change even more, hopefully grow a little. And then engagement comes along so you see them a bit more frequently, talking about the wedding and what’s ahead. And then you marry their son and I can only imagine now (as a mother of a son), that that particular day, though joyous, is also quite sad. You are officially “losing” your baby, the one who loved you first for so many years, to this girl who you think couldn’t possibly love him as much as you do.

Now your husband comes to you first for things instead of his parents, your opinion is considered first, usually even your events are considered priority with family, etc. I know there were times where I felt bad that we didn’t spend more time with them, but my own parents were such hosts that we always had a reason to go their house for a get-together, party, etc. I mean Gary became part of the family almost instantly, especially since I lived at home when we first started dating, so he saw my parents all the time, and then we moved into their neighborhood so it was just convenient to go hang by their pool, etc. And then all of a sudden, BAM…you’re pregnant. While you still may not see them very much during your first pregnancy, you can feel your relationship shifting and I think because it shifts focus from you and him to this little being. You are no longer just their sons’ wife; you are their daughter-in-law, the mother to their grandchild. I was especially lucky because I was the mother to their FIRST grandchild.

As time passed and we awaited his arrival, I will admit, I was nervous. Obviously, I wanted Cooper to have a close relationship with his grandparents. (I never really had that opportunity when I was growing up, because I wasn’t close in proximity to them.) But entrust your little human to people who, though they were family, were still not people you saw on a daily basis- I knew it would be hard for me. I mean my mom runs a daycare and preschool and even leaving him there was hard, so you can only imagine my emotion. Anyway, all of those feelings went to the wayside the moment Cooper was born! I had never seen so much love exuded from my entire family, especially my in-laws. They were in awe at his every feature and every move. My father-in-law held him like he was a piece of rare glass. My mother-in-law was staring into her first  grandchild’s eyes as if they were Gary’s himself. It was breath-taking and I felt lucky instantly. I also went from having a sort of guard up to having no guard at all. I was breastfeeding Cooper the first time they met him and I didn’t care a bit about modesty. (I was considerate of course, but you know what I mean.)

Your relationship moves past the occasional dinner to weekly hang-outs and daily chats…and the best part is, we’ve found each other in the midst of the relationship that was geared around Cooper. I’ve learned about their passions and their talents, their parenting techniques and their beliefs. They aren’t just my in-laws anymore; they are MY parents, they are my baby’s grandparents. They carry a special place in my heart, knowing that he adores them the way he does and that they would bring him the moon if he asked for it.

Now as I’m pregnant for the second time and we will be welcoming another grandchild to the mix, I have even more joy knowing God is blessing us with a little girl. This will be my mother-in-law’s first girl, since she had only boys. Can you imagine her excitement?!

I hope your experience with your in-laws and your kiddos is just the same. And if it’s not, I at least hope that they get to be a positive force in your kid’s lives, because there is truly no love like a grandparent’s love…and every child deserves to know that kind of love!

Do you appreciate your in-laws more after giving birth and see in them in a different light when they’re around their grandchildren?

 

My First Delivery

Anticipating your first delivery is very overwhelming. Nerves and emotions of all kinds flood you daily; especially with the stories that linger of other people’s births. Will I be in public when my water breaks? Will I be able to handle the pain? Will I be induced or have to have an unplanned C-section? Will I deliver early or will he (or she) be late? How bad will it hurt? Will everything be ok with the health of the baby?

As the days pass in my second pregnancy and I anticipate how this next delivery will go, all of those worries truly don’t exist. Maybe the “Will I be early or late”, but beyond that I just put myself back into the surreal, beautiful experience of my first delivery and anxiously await all of those little moments again.

Now don’t get me wrong, my labor was not all cupcakes and rainbows…I checked in a day too early. I swear I could feel the contractions, about every 15 minutes, however the doctors laughed at me when they saw how put together I was. They said, “Sweetheart, you will not be texting when you’re in labor. How about you head home and wait it out a bit.”  Shucks, I was bummed, but at least they didn’t admit me and I had to be there for God knows how long.

Anyway, the next afternoon the contractions were timed out about every five or six minutes, as they originally asked, and I went from smiling and texting my family, to deep breaths, clinched eyes and puking. That’s right…puking. EVERY CONTRACTION. My very clean and prepped house (mainly kitchen sink), went from a sanitized “nesting” zone to a war zone very quickly. I could hardly sit in the car on the ride there, it hurt too bad. I think I may have yelled at the red lights a couple of times, and maybe even at my hubby. I scared women and children in the hallways on the way in to the OBGYN’s office (connected to the hospital, don’t worry). They wheeled me over to the hospital; still throwing up every contraction, even though Gary kept telling me I wasn’t going to (his sales tactics weren’t working so well in this scenario). What I like to call the climax of the story was my puking all over the reception desk when being checked in. (I was out of bags!) Mind you, all of this was happening and I was only 3cm dilated!

Anyhow, I got put in one of those holding rooms, since all the beds were taken and my previous thoughts of having a natural birth had completely flown out the window; I was ready for the epidural. Now I could have gotten it then, but they told me my room would be ready in about 15 minutes and it would be best for transporting me from one bed to another if I wait. So 15 minutes, that’s about three contractions…why not? Well 15 minutes, turned into 30, turned into one hour. In that hour I had probably thrown up 100 times. My water had broken naturally. And I may have screamed a few times…now scaring the nurses in the reception area (at least this time they were clear of the vomit). And to top it all off I had progressed from 3cm to 8cm; still with no epidural.

Finally, the time had come that I had my own room. I think they may have kicked someone out in fear that this baby was coming out much faster than they anticipated. So, I’m on the borderline of getting or not getting the epidural based on dilation and timing, but I still wanted it; now more than ever! Thoughts about the needle are the last thing running through your mind, I didn’t feel a thing. They actually gave me a block first and then an epidural because they weren’t sure if the epidural would kick in with enough time prior to the baby coming out. Needless to say, I was in comatose heaven. My vomit war zone was now clear. I immediately asked to brush my teeth and I got a Popsicle. Whew. Gary could take a deep breath, and my family could start coming in to say hi. About an hour and a half later (yes, the epidural slowed things down tremendously), it was time to push! My mom and Gary were both in the delivery room with me. The nurses told me to not push at all because they baby was about to pop out, but the doctor wasn’t there yet. I told them there wasn’t much waiting…soon enough, doc was in position and two pushes later, he was here!

Ok, did I just scare you? Wait wait…keep reading…

So, back to the beginning, where I said I’m not concerned about any of that pain, vomit, or anything anymore. Throughout all of that craziness there were these moments that seem like snapshots in my mind that are and will always be frozen in my heart.

Gary was the most calm I had ever seen him. He held my hand the whole time. His eyes interlocked on mine when the pain would set in, helping me breathe through every contraction. His words were so comforting and he never missed a beat.  He was like the delivery guru, even though we never took one parenting or Lamaze class. I’ve never felt that connected to him. My mom was in the delivery room, but I honestly just remember Gary’s every move, while my mom captured it all on video and camera.

The next highlight was prior to pushing when they told me “He has a full head of hair!”. My whole pregnancy they told me he was bald, even the nurse who had checked me throughout the day said the same thing. So I was shocked and SO excited. I had them put my phone on backwards view so I could see! It was amazing…I watched the whole thing. It’s not what you imagine at all. All the analogies of a watermelon coming out of you and how your husband will never look at your “world” the same; well, that’s bogus. Shocking, yes. But, so incredible how God created women to do something so beautiful.

The next highlight of course was pulling him out and having him lay right on my chest. Seeing him for the first time was like starring into the sun. I was blinded literally by the radiating beauty, by the love. Your heart feels like it’s going to explode. You have so many words and no words at all. But my mom captured our first words on video and I am so thankful to have that moment always.

The final highlight of the delivery was watching Gary turn from a husband to a father. They say women become mothers the moment they conceive, while men don’t become fathers until they hold their child for the first time. I 100% agree with that quote. They try to act like they know what is going on while you’re pregnant. Touching your belly from the outside while they kick or talking, singing or reading to them in utero. But the true father is not born until the emotion rushes over them as they first hold their son or daughter. I watched him hold Cooper’s hand while they measured him and took his footprints. I’ve never seen my husband cry and though I still didn’t see an actual tear, there was this expression of raw admiration that I will never forget.

So delivery is over and here you are with this angel to call your own. No experience to date has ever topped those emotions and so here I am, a few weeks away from getting to experience it all again and I truly can’t wait.

I hope you get to have those same tiny moments that become huge impacts.

What advice do you have for new moms on what to expect for their first delivery? 

Top 10 Must Haves for Your Baby Registry

I remember the first time I registered for baby items at the large name retailers like Babies “R” Us and Target. Let’s just say, thank God for my mom who has been in the industry of babies for 28 years, otherwise I would have been like a lost puppy. Endless aisles of baby gear, from bottle brands to diaper brands and gadgets you’ve never heard of…how would a first time mom in a typical setting even begin to know what to do or where to start? Sure, we can always turn to Google, but I think typically moms just go scan-happy and register for everything in order to get a little bit of it all. Honestly, half of it you’ll never use more than once and at the end of the day it’s up to baby if they like a certain pacifier or brand of bottle.

Second time around, everything is a no brainer. You know what works and what doesn’t, what you actually use and what is useless. And, you also know it’s not always about the “name brand”, but more about the RIGHT brand. So I thought for all my first-time mommy friends I’d give you a leg up on your registry by sharing some inside scoop on need vs. want and some unique gifts you can find at smaller boutique stores that end up being life-savers for mommy (and daddy).

Also, I want to drive home the importance of the essentials that are made for mommy. As a mom, innately we only think of our little one, but there are plenty of needs that help you comfort-wise too. Why not register for those essential items instead of the cutesy, one-time use only gadgets you may think look cool?

So, in fear of overwhelming you, but wanting to provide a decent list to get you started, here are my top 10 mommy must-haves for your registry (many of which you probably never even thought to add):

*If it’s in BLUE – that means Modern Maternity carries them in store for cheaper than competitors AND no shipping!

1. Baby Carrier: No better way to be than hands-free when you have a little one. Of course, at first you just want to snuggle them 24/7, but eventually the dishes and laundry will call your name, and it’s nice to have a carrier that you are comfortable with that provides good support for both of you. My favorites are the Moby Wrap, The Ergo, and the traditional Ring Sling.

Bonus Note: We carry hand-made ring-slings with customizable fabric pockets and extra fabric that doubles as a nursing cover.

2. Pello: Forget about the Boppy, this product gets use for YEARS, instead of just a few months. The Pello, designed by a stay-at-home mom in Ohio, launched 2 years ago and has been growing in popularity because of its usability. Great for keeping baby on a sanitary, comfortable surface (especially when traveling or going to a friend’s house). It also doubles as a “boppy-like” pillow for tummy time, but these have useful link attachments so the toys don’t roll away from baby. The whole thing can be thrown in the wash, instead of having to fight with a cover. It’s Coopers favorite calm TV time place and my 7 year-old niece loves to lounge in it for movie time too, so that goes to show you it truly lasts a long time! (Plus they have customizable fabrics)

 

3. Baby Monitor: Obviously a must have! I have been without mine for a week, because little man dropped it and I’ve been waiting for the new shipment more impatiently than anything I’ve ever waited for! Video monitors are incredible for the first time worried momma. How many years can I use it for without it being weird that I watch him sleep??

4. Nose Frida – “The Snot Sucker”: So everyone knows about the blue bulb which has been given to mom and dad in the hospital for decades. Well without getting too descriptive – how do you clean that thing? What does it truly look like inside? How far are you supposed to go up in the nose? Are you affecting the baby’s nose membranes at all? You’ll never know…Born is the Nose Frida. The perfectly sanitary, non-invasive snot sucker that works like a lucky charm every time. For those of you who may gag thinking of sucking snot from your child’s nose…get over it! Obviously there is a filter to block it from ever going into your mouth (it’s actually impossible if you look at how it is built). Plus, Lord knows you’ve done much more disgusting things…like when your baby boy pees in your mouth by accident or explosive diaper changing…TRY IT…I swear you’ll thank me.

5. Diaper Bag: Great gift for mommy AND baby again. Mom, you will use the heck out of this! Get one that is practical of course, but fashion never hurts either. Remember YOU are carrying it, not the baby. So choose the colors you like. Daddy might carry it from time to time, but let’s be serious you’ll most likely be with him! I love the ones with the stroller attachment arms…amazing when your out and about; those suckers get heavy with all the Mary Poppins stuff you put inside.

Bonus Note: For those hands on daddies, we do carry diaper bags for dudes too! They are backpacks fully equipped with changing pads, cooler pockets, etc. Available in grey camo or black. We also carry a line called Stork Sak in-store for mommies…if you see one online you like, we sell it for 20% under retail to you!

6. Amber Teething Necklace/Bracelet: So no, the baby doesn’t come out of the womb teething, though I have heard of some babies having their first teeth within a couple of months…so why not be prepared? Amber is the new craze for all teething tots. The salic acid helps to boost the immune system and ease the pain of teething. Let’s just say, beyond the fashion statement, I can tell when Cooper doesn’t have his on!

7. Bloom Bath Tub: This was one of my favorite gifts from my shower. I hadn’t seen them at the time, but they are now wildly popular and sold in many large retailers and also boutique stores. They allow for easy access in any sink, true comfort for baby, and so sanitary opposed to laying them on the actual sink surface and trying to hold them sturdy.

8. 4Moms RockaRoo/MamaRoo Swing: This space-age looking device is a God-send. There are so many settings and options on this thing, you’d think you’d never use. But baby ALWAYS gives you a reason to try any and everything. It maximizes motion sensation for baby on so many levels and it’s easy to wash.It also has an MP3 player attachment, which may be over the top, but hey…it’s an option, right?

9. Nursing Bras and/or tanks: This is one of the items I mentioned that no one registers for, but everyone should! This is the number one used product by both mommy AND baby postpartum. We do FREE bra-fittings and sizing throughout your pregnancy, as well as once your milk comes in. Don’t go spend money on a Victoria Secret bra when you are 6 months pregnant; you’ll never be able to wear it again. Get a nursing bra and utilize its benefits. (Side note: We carry up to size M in bras, so don’t fret.)

Bonus Note: Breast Pump! Did you know now a-days almost all insurances cover your breast pumps at 100%? Be sure to call your insurance and find out! They will either reimburse you for your purchase or they send you one of their brands for FREE.

10. Post Partum Belly Belt: These are awesome for helping your stomach re-gain muscle control after delivery, both with C-sections or vaginal deliveries. My favorite brand is the Medela, because of the sleek material it is made of, you are able to wear it under anything and hardly notice it is there. I swear it’s the main reason I was able to pull off a bikini a few weeks after the baby was born. And YES, it is OK to ask for something for yourself :).

Well, I hope you learned about some additional items to add to your registry or perhaps a great gift you can buy an expectant mommy. This list is obviously only my top 10 picks, there are surely many more suggestions. If you are interested or simply feel overwhelmed, we do offer a registry service where the expert – Brenda, my mom and baby-guru – will meet you at Babies “R” Us to help guide you through the experience.

Regardless, keep in mind that you and baby are literally one for the first few weeks. What’s yours is theirs and what’s theirs is yours, so it’s OK to be practical when registering. People will always manage to add in the “cute” stuff, but the essentials are what you NEED.

FYI: We currently have an in-store manual registry, but before long it will all be online and you can go scan-happy here too!

 What are some of registry must haves you’d recommend to new moms? What was your favorite gift you received as a new mom?

5 Ways You Know You’re a REAL Housewife

Tonight at dinner I looked down at my plate to see only crumbs left. I have no idea if I actually ate the food in front of me, let alone enjoyed it, but it was gone. The last 30 minutes consisted of crying babies, barking and fighting dogs, football blaring too loud on the television, men laughing, women reprimanding and kids trying to be heard while telling their dinner stories to one another.

Rewind and let me set the scene…

My family has long been getting together for Sunday dinners. Over the course of the past few years, the family has grown from my three siblings and parents, to now spouses, children, great grandparents and aunts and uncles who are now neighbors. Imagine 11 adults, two kids, two babies and five dogs in one house. (The same house the original three grew up in). Now fast forward to dinner time; everyone brings their own side (aka women cook it there), grill is going, men are drinking beer, playing corn hole, attempting to monitor the children and dogs (who are puppies and not used to all being in one household). Then dinner is served, babies are whining over wanting adult forks and not wanting to eat their green beans. The older kids are asking if they’ve eaten enough or can they have more to drink. The men are laughing and watching football in the other room completely oblivious, while the dogs attack one another beneath the women’s feet who are also trying to get the babies tame enough to enjoy our own meal. Have you taken a breath yet? I finally did when I looked down at my plate…cue the first paragraph all over again.

Now THIS is what I call “the REAL housewives” (as opposed to the Bravo TV shows).

We’ve all seen the reality shows. All the women glammed up first thing in the morning, enjoying espresso, getting their nails done and going to high-end restaurants for wine and appetizers with their friends. I’ve had days like that in Richmond with my girls, where we would joke about being “real housewives for the day”. Shopping at the outdoor malls and spending money we probably shouldn’t have. And while I am a firm believer in girl time, my perspective on girl-time, let alone TIME in general is a little different. Before, when having these glam-days, I was only asking one questions; “Who’s driving? Can I have another glass of wine?”. Now it’s about what Cooper is doing each hour I am gone and if I’ll be back in time for bedtime to kiss him goodnight. So the question that lingers about these so-called “housewives”, is where and what are their kids doing exactly? Are they even playing a role in their children’s lives?

They may consider themselves “Real”, but there is nothing more real than those 30 minutes at dinner tonight. I know you have all been there, one way or another, and while it’s ok to have your fantasizing days of being one of those women, it’s ok to let reality be reality.

5 Reasons I know I’m a REAL housewife:

1. I haven’t showered today. I’m wearing a hat and the same jean shorts that I wore yesterday, because they are the only ones that feel comfortable with this growing 28-week belly. Those women wouldn’t be caught dead even going to the gym without a shower and make-up, let alone wearing something that they’ve worn in the last 30 days!
2. I ate more calories than I drank today. Don’t get me wrong; when I’m not pregnant, I love a glass of wine. But I swear from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep they are consuming some sort of “beverage”. And there is no way their scone at breakfast and their salad at lunch has kept them full all day to only eat a salad again for dinner!
3. My nails are too short to even attempt a fake manicure. Between wrestling with my little man, bathing and lotioning him, changing his diaper or getting boogies from his nose, nails aren’t an option. My toes are painted, because a pedicure is my guilty pleasure when mommy has free time. (Slightly “real housewife” of me, I know).
4. I only see my girlfriends on occasion. We work, we have kids and we have families of our own. Getting together is a luxury. Believe me, this is one area of the “real housewife” life I am envious of. I would LOVE to see my girls more often, but reality is we’re busy, but I know they love me and we always pick up where we left off.
5. I have a baby who whines for his momma. I don’t know what their kids whine about…but I know mine whines because he wants ME, not a nanny who he spends more time with.

Regardless what those women are doing. I know the six women who were sitting at the dinner table tonight are all moms who have either raised their children and they are grown or are taking it a day at a time raising theirs currently. Regardless, they are there. And despite the chaos, they start and finish their days maybe not looking like a million bucks, but their kids surely feel in their heart that they are loved a million times over. So when life is chaotic and you don’t have a minute to even feel the minutes that go by, look at your surroundings and know that you’re doing all right. And THIS is what real housewives live like on a daily basis, not the other way around. What makes you a real housewife? What can you relate to or what do you struggle with?

Work, Baby and Balance: How We Can Have it All

I think girls always visualize what their life will be like once they have kids. [And I say “girls” not as a way to belittle women, but that I believe most of these daydreams come when you are young, prior to really knowing what having these fictitious children would actually be like; similar to journaling about your “dream guy”.] You have names picked out that you like, how many girls, how many boys you want, what their age differences will be. You imagine how you will raise them and what their little personalities may be like. Some of this even happens before you have found that perfect mate to raise those children with. I even think girls know, based on their own personal experiences with their mothers or perhaps their passion for their individual careers, on whether or not they will be a working mom or a stay at home mom. I always hoped I’d be able to stay at home with my children…but usually reality comes into play. Those names I had picked out weren’t even on my list of top 10. The number of kids I want vs. wanted has changed. And I don’t really care the order. I still imagine how I will raise them, but with each new parenting challenge comes a new method to simply do the best you can, opposed to some step-by-step book you may have read.

As I watch my Facebook feed swarm with teachers heading back to school, it makes you realize how many of those women are choosing to work vs. having to work vs. wanting to work. When I was expecting Cooper, I had this vision of how my day-to-day life would run in conjunction with being a “working mom” and running a business I was passionate about. I thought he would come to work with me as an infant, have a crib in the back office, wear him around while I helped customers and did my daily tasks. I also told my partner (mom) and employees that I would be back from maternity leave between 4-6 weeks. Well, my mom, being right as usual, and knowing from past experience, knew that wouldn’t be the case on many of those fronts. Cooper arrived and with that came sleepless nights, exhaustion, continuous feeding schedules and full attention. My four weeks turned to eight and then turned to 12 and I knew, simply from our daily routine at home, that bringing him to work would be next to impossible. I know my situation is a little different from most…at least I had the option of bringing him to work. But the reality, once again, is the same as any working mom. We’d get nothing accomplished in between feeding, changing, entertaining, shushing, feeding some more, etc.

Around 11 weeks when it was time to face the fact that I wouldn’t be his everything day in and out, I started getting anxious, as I imagine most of you have experienced. Is it even possible for someone to take care of him like I do when he’s still so small? My mom and mother-in-law of all people were going to have him, but I still was a nervous wreck. And the punch line, in which most of you working moms may hate me for, is it was only for five hours! Regardless, it seemed like eons before those hours passed that first week, but I remember seeing him after work each day and knowing it would get a little easier and our relationship would be better in the long run because of it. Now, I still hate leaving him some days, but the smile on his face and the refreshing attitude I have towards being a mommy after just a few hours away from him, are totally worth it. My sense of identity is regained when I am at the store, even though a majority of my conversations are about Cooper, I still get to feel like me. Now don’t get me wrong, days where it’s just me and him all day, I feel more like “me” than I can even express, because my self-definition now encompasses being a mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, this concept of “self-definition” is something I have struggled with since becoming a mom.

I wouldn’t say you lose your sense of self, but I do think with your loss of independence you redirect your self-reflection and what time you used to spend on internal growth, is now directed towards your little one. They have your full attention, your full energy, brainpower and heart, so when at the end of the day, the need for a little “me” time is completely understandable. I know many stay-at-home moms and I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of quotes and videos on them too, but I truly respect the fact that their jobs are more difficult than ours. Their “me” time fizzles down to a shower (if they’re lucky), while us working moms get to have a 15 minute drive to work, our hours there (regardless of how busy or how much brain capacity it may take), and our regroup transformation back into our superman outfits for mommy hood the remaining of the evening. My sense of self is more apparent now than it ever was, because I have to make time for me. Where before kids, my time was always mine.

In the midst of the past few paragraphs you quickly notice a lot of “me’s”, “I’s” and “Cooper’s”, but there is one key element to this life that is missing…”Gary”. Our neighbor kept telling us when I was pregnant the first time to always put each other before our children. It sounded ludicrous because your children rely on you solely, while we are adults and can manage, but my perspective on the matter has fully changed. Between being a working mom, a superhero mom, and ME, the concept of US sounds impossible, and if I’m being totally honest; exhausting. At the end of the day, despite us just spending the last two hours together over dinner, bath time, play time, bed time, we finally meet at the sinks brushing our teeth. It’s like “Hey, how are you?”. I want to put him first, I need to put him first, and we’ve made efforts to do weekly date nights, which have truly been a saving grace. But as much as I hail to the stay-at-home mother’s, I hail too to the working father. He’s gone before the sunrises and comes back after the sun has set. He’s exhausted and I can only imagine that his “sense of self” is drained. But here I am, occasionally wanting to pass Coop off, because I’ve been with him the past few hours, forgetting to take into consideration he needs “me” time too. Despite his exhaustion there is one thing that will always reignite his fuel. I see him light up and Cooper light up at the sight of each other and my “me” time has been satisfied. THEY are ME. I AM THEM. My sense of self is wrapped up in these two beings. (Soon to be three!) And while I enjoy my job thoroughly and I always appreciate a good pedicure by myself or a long shower at the end of the day, I’d much rather be watching them together than alone.

So my words of comfort are: 

To the working mom – Keep it up. And remember your little one can’t wait for you to get home to play. They appreciate you and see your dedication, but don’t forget your Superman suit on the drive home, because they DO need your attention.

To the stay at home mom (or dad) – Your job is harder than all of us. Find time for your “sense of self” so that you always have the energy to give all of yourself.

To the working dad – We love you and appreciate you, even if we sometimes forget to tell you. Thank you for supporting us.

To the married couple raising your children fearlessly – Love each other just as fearlessly and take time out for “US” time.

The Art of Distraction

I’ve grown up around kids my entire life due to my mom having an in-home daycare. Imagine 12 little ones ranging from infant to five years of age in your home from the time you wake up to the time you come home from school and eat dinner. I was always drawn to them. Of course the different ages all have fun, unique qualities that attracted me to them; be it sweet cuddly babies, to rambunctious waddlers, to talkative toddlers, and know-it-all preschool aged kiddos. Regardless, I always thought I was born into the perfect scenario to be super-mom later in life. From tricks to help soothe the little one, to methods for teaching letters and colors, and songs and games of every sort to keep them entertained…I know you can feel a ‘but’ coming on…

BUT, the world of parenthood is drastically different than “babysitting” for the brief hour or two I would sit and play. My mom is by far way more than a “babysitter” and it isn’t until you become a parent or the parents have been a part of her daycare for a while that they realize what that means. She’s a true baby whisperer and it is due to her that hundreds of kiddos have entered kindergarten knowing how to soothe themselves, take two hour naps, eat all their veggies, write their name, sing their alphabet, write their letters, and consistently maintain their manners. Though I am only in the early stages of this parenting thing, I have surely learned one technique on my own. This one technique in which my mom knew all along, but never thought of it as a technique at all…just common sense: The Art of Distraction.

So let me lay it out for you. This mechanism doesn’t really come into effect until after about three months. Prior to this time frame it is all about soothing and comforting the baby when they are looking for their fundamental needs (aka clean diaper, to be fed, to be cuddled, or to sleep). Once three months hits and they are more alert and aware, ready to play and explore the world, it is all about distraction. There are many ways to divert their attention to get the desired end result of happiness. Case in Point: baby cried = new toy, new laying position, new sound, new bottle, new song, new food/milk, new diaper, new activity, new environment. Whatever it is, if you can manage to help them forget their woe by giving them something new, they become satisfied. As time progresses and our little ones are able to develop a bit of a longer attention span, though we know this span still isn’t what we’d hope, these distractions may become a bit larger than a toy or a song, however, the key concept is still the same.

As parents, we go through every day with the hope and effort of giving our kids true and abundant happiness. The less tears, the easier the day, the “happier” the baby. Now, a key element to all of this, is bonding. Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when I HAVE to clean or I HAVE to bathe myself, where he has to occupy his time, and a new toy or new show is exactly what will give me that 5-10 minutes of freedom, but don’t let me fool you that my go to art of distraction tool is always a hug, kiss and cuddle. Of course, I know the importance of self-soothing too, but I’m not referring to him taking a little tumble and crying, I’m talking about the times when they become irritable, uninterested and needy. But really at the end of the day, my goal is to put a satisfied and loved baby to sleep, knowing he gets to wake up the next day, and I get to start all over making him happy.

I am not, and by no means will I ever achieve “super-mom” status. I’m not even really sure what that is. But I want to applaud each and every mom for their day-to-day routine. It’s tiring as much as it is rewarding, but know you have at least accomplished two things: the ability to make your baby happy and the art of distraction. And to me, with that, you have succeeded.

A few of Cooper’s favorite distractions include:

• Playing in Mommy and Daddy’s cars.
• Apples and watermelon keep him occupied for a good 30 minutes.
• Anything having to do with water!
• He loves playing with his Babiator sunglasses from the store! They have a year warranty if they break, so to me, he can play with them all he wants!
• The Pellos we have in the store are great from infancy up to five and six years old. Shoot my eight year old niece loves laying in it and watching a movie! 

What is your go to distraction tool when your little one isn’t satisfied? New exciting tips always welcome!